Giant European Murder Mantises have arrived in the United States, but reports indicate that the nation is mostly too distracted to notice.
The mantises have destroyed several small suburbs on the East Coast, but most residents have been rewatching clips from Thursday night’s debate, reading about Hunter Biden’s laptop or watching TikToks of kittens. The mantises have been seen going westward destroying buildings and killing hundreds, though many have yet to see them because they don’t want to leave their homes either because of COVID or not wanting to be away from their laptops and TVs.
The Hamster will continue to update on the progress of the mantises, though we do not expect many people to notice.