Everyone across the nation was thrilled to wake up this morning to the end of the coronavirus, a now-booming economy and a partisan divide healed, proving that this really was all about the year being 2020.

The calendar change – and nothing else – solved all these problems and more, sources confirmed. Complaints about the year thus were justified, and there is no reason to complain further as 2021 is perfect. The world fixing itself happened sometime around 12:05 a.m. CST.

The Hamster cannot yet verify that any of this was true.